SOLDIER crack
by blue stranger
Summary: Silly conversations between our favorite heros from FF7. involves YAOI CRACK and randomeness :)


**Disclaimer: "I do not own FF7 and this is purely for entertaining purposes I am not making any money out of this…"**

"**Cut! Perfect Sephiroth I can always count on you!"**

"**Yeah, Yeah now give me a chocolate cake…"**

**!Warnings! Involves a lot of crack. And a bit of yaoi!**

**Note! A second chapter will be published some time later with explanations of what is happening in these snippets.**

**1. Attention span**

Zack: 'Lazard was sitting in his office-, no, no, no that sounds stupid.'

Angeal: 'Zack, pay attention to the mission!'

Zack: 'I am paying attention! Now, can someone tell me how long Lazard's hair is?'

**2. Depression**

Cloud: 'Lights flickered in and out, and in, and out….'

Zack: 'Gah!'

Cloud: 'What?'

Zack: 'It's so depressing!'

Cloud: 'Huh? That's not depressing!'

Zack: 'Yes it is! It's like whatever you say is depressing!'

Cloud: 'Is not!'

Sephiroth: 'You know, puppy has a point.'

Cloud: 'Oh shut up Silver Princess!'

Zack: 'Ouch! Burn…'

**3. Manliness**

Cloud: 'Oh Zack!'

Zack: 'Oh Cloud!'

Both men clung to each other as they started weeping like five-year olds.

**4. Hidden desires**

Zack: 'Cloudia!'

Cloud: 'I'll kick you…'

Zack: 'Do you still have that dress?'

Cloud: 'No, I burned it.'

Zack: 'Too bad, Seph mentioned he wanted to see you in it…'

**5. Pink phobia**

Zack: 'You know, I once saw a pink apple…'

…silence…

Zack: 'I was scared…'

…more silence…

**6. Unknown hiding spots**

Zack: 'Hug me Cloud!'

He did as told….. More weeping…

Zack: 'Wanna go to Mexico?'

Cloud: 'Yes please…'

**7. Misunderstandings**

Cloud leaned against the nearby wall and cursed his luck.

Cloud: 'Fuck me!'

Sephiroth: 'Can I?'

Cloud: 'NO!'

**8. Phobia**

Cloud: 'Zack, you have a chip in your hair.'

Zack: '…It's not alive, is it?'

**9. Look alike**

Cloud: 'I like the feeling of my soft, blond locks…'

Zack: 'Chocobo locks!'

Cloud: '….Eh?'

**10. Secrets**

Zack: 'I don't have that hickey anymore, do I?'

Cloud: 'No Zack, you don't… Want another one?'

Zack: 'Maybe later Spike…. When Midgar sleeps.'

**11. Prison life**

Zack: 'I should get nail polish…'

Cloud: '_A_ nail polish.'

Zack: 'No, a lot!'

Cloud: '_The_ nail polish.'

Zack: 'Nail polish from all over the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!'

Random prisoner: '…I hate prison life…'

**12. Daily troubles**

Zack: 'It died! You killed it!'

Angeal: 'No Zack, I'm sure the bowl is okay…'

**13. Scooby Doo… where are you?**

Zack: 'What do you think; could we find a real Scooby Doo?'

Cloud: 'Noooo, that's impossible.'

Zack: '…All my childhood dreams just died. Shattered!'

**14. Attention span II**

Cloud: 'You know, when I have dreams, the sky's white.'

Zack: 'Not mako green?'

Cloud: 'No, more like apocalypse white.'

Zack: '..Not mako green?'

Cloud: 'No, and even if it's winter it's like summer.'

Zack: '…No mako green?'

Cloud: 'Are you even listening?'

Zack: 'Mako, mako mako; still sounds like a bird… MAKROO, MAKROO!'

**15. Easiest way out**

Zack: 'Hihihihi….. I didn't giggle.'

Cloud: 'You giggled.'

Zack: 'No.'

Cloud: 'Yay.'

Zack: 'No!'

Cloud: 'How was Yuffie raised?'

Zack: '….Eh?'

**16. The Silver Princess**

Sephiroth: 'Sekai de ichiban ohime sama~!'

Genesis: 'Yeah, yeah Seph, you're definitely a princess!'

Sephiroth: 'Get out of my room!'

**17. Swan/Swoon**

Zack: 'I'll make an origami swan for Sephiroth!'

Cloud: 'You know, there's this one girl called Bella Swan… or was it Swoon?'

Zack: 'Like swooooon~?'

Cloud: 'No, I think it was Swan.'

Zack: '…What's a 'Bella' anyways?'

**18. Too much information**

Zack: 'Hey,'

Cloud: 'What?'

Zack: 'Does Jenova have like… tentacles?'

Cloud: '..Yes.'

Zack: '...HUG ME!'

**19. **_**LOVELESS**_** taste like dumbapples**

Genesis: '…The goddess descends from the-'

Zack: *NOM*

Genesis: 'ANGEAL GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND GET MY _LOVELESS_ OUT OF YOUR PUPPY'S MOUTH!'

**20. Thinking out loud**

Zack: 'I can imagine myself chewing on a pen!'

Genesis: '…'geal, I think your protégé needs to visit Hojo.'

**21. Scarred**

Zack: 'Have you ever seen someone cosplaying Jenova?'

Cloud: '…No.'

Zack: 'I have.'

Cloud: 'And?'

Zack: '…Ahem…'

**22. One Winged Angel**

Cloud: 'You know, there's this theme for chocobos… I heard it.'

Zack: 'Was it cute?'

Cloud: 'Nooo, it was weird.'

Zack: 'Well, it can't be worse than Seph's.'

Cloud: '…Point taken.'


End file.
